march 26, 2020
Kotzebue--it's another sunny morning, the kind that can fool you because it is still -5 with a searing north breeze. I built a fire in the stove, made coffee, and I'm waiting for my mind to stop being a jumble. (Good luck with that.) I have a sleeping disorder that makes me dream all night, every night--mostly bad ones. I've been through a thousand nightmares, plenty dystopian, in futuristic times with evil people tearing my face off to sell it, and me stuck in crowds ofpeople with Government Issue faces, stuff like that. Every morning I'm thankful to make it through the night. Now I'm feeling and fighting the steady drain of this virus, knowing we're in the middle of a lottery of the lives of our loved ones. Not a good time to have so little trust in so many of our 'leaders'. Thankfully, we do have some strong ones, and many workers and private people and even companies stepping up to help on their own. That's been amazing and so inspiring. Still, the lack of coordination is maddening. (That's the story of my life: not very coordinated.) Today is kind of a regular example: I always look at the sky first, all my life the sky has decided my days. Mostly I just want to go outside and do physical work, shoveling snow or dragging something heavy around. I also roam in my head too much, thinking about too much crap. Like, this morning, I just heard that state agency, AIDEIA, is meeting in secret today and using the state of emergency to slip funds to their Ambler Road project. I wish I'd made it out the door without hearing that. I'm not surprised. The news the last few days has mentioned increased corporate pressure to put the health of the economy and stock market BEFORE peoples' health. Citizens United, that court case, gave corporations equal status with citizens, but when did they get ahead of people? Politics are so murky and bottomless. It's part of human nature, i guess, greed and all. Luckily, goodness is too, and wisdom. There's been so much murky anger floating around these last few years, and a lot of people with even more ready to unload. It's scary. I've had to keep fighting off that infection, too. This Covid virus hopefully can bring us back together as a nation. That can be the good side. And we need that for what is coming next--dealing with what's being done to our planet. The other good thing is we could stop arguing about far-from-perfect politicians and start agreeing that we really only have time now for great leaders. Those who can lead us and our families safely through real crises. (Inept ones please contribute by standing to the side.) Anyway, the sun is high now. I'm going to make another quick cup of coffee and go load my sled, and focus on that thing closer to home, and tough, and possible for each of us, being better ourselves.